Pros and Cons

August 21, 2009

Ok. So. Lots of stuff going on. And really not much AT ALL. I am pretending that I am unemployed and I am totally playing it up. Because considering that I have 4 (FOUR!) clinics that I am currently doing relief work at AND I have a job interview next week I am really only so unemployed. And I know I shouldn’t whine about it, cause so many people have it so much worse. Blah blah blah. Those people are not ME. Those people did not leave a job they LOVED to take a chance on a job that was SUPPOSED to be a super awesome opportunity and instead SUCKED. I mean really, who is stupid enough to leave a job that they love in this day and age? Yeah, me. So I’m gonna play it up for a little bit and have a minor pity party. I dare you to stop me.

I’m actually feeling pretty positive all things considered. And things keep happening, so, yeah, go me with the optimism! (I really don’t know why people think I’m so negative)  Here’s the pros and cons of Lissa’s life to date:

1. Quit good job that she truly enjoyed and found satisfying
2. Quit really crappy job where she had been dumped to 26hr/wk, made less money, was having difficulties with boss, and was compromising her medical ethics on a daily basis.
3. Ok well the real con to #2 is that I don’t currently have a job=unemployed
4. Thought I’d be in a good shape in Sept. to do relief FT since I had signed up for 13 shifts at Relief Clinic A, but only got 6 shifts there.
5. STILL waiting to hear about doing a regular 1-2 shifts/wk + other relief shifts at Relief Clinic B.
6. STILL waiting to hear about any open relief shifts at Relief Clinic C.
7. In response to #4-6, I only have 7 shifts lined up for September which is HIGHLY nervewracking (I need 15 minimum to pay my bills).
8. Opened an unemployment insurance claim. Boo. Have to wait 4-8 weeks to hear if my claim is accepted. In which case I will get retro-paid but that doesn’t help me for the 4-8 weeks in between.
9. Oh yeah, the washing machine is still broken. Laundromat, oh joy..
10. The DSL connection is all screwed up. It comes and goes randomly. I got a new modem, but I am not convinced that that is going to solve the issue.
11. The cat is still peeing on the couch if given half a chance.
12. My paycheck from Relief Clinic A didn’t come because they had the wrong address. Luckily I can pick it up tomorrow when I’m at the clinic for a shift.
13. I had applied for a refinance on my home like 6+ weeks ago and the loan officer is doing I DON”T KNOW WHAT with the whole thing. Therefore I am cancelling the loan with him and going to have my old loan officer start over for me, since she actually is reponsible with getting stuff done.

Ok, the Pros:

1. I quit a job I was quickly growing to hate and resent and feel undervalued, resented, and uncomfortable with.
2. I have an interview!! It is at a premier ER/Critical Care/Specialty hospital up north. The position is a graveyard shift, 3 nights a week. It is very close to my friend Ashley’s house, so she has invited me to stay with her on the 2 days between shifts. Which is so generous and AWESOME because otherwise the clinic is like a 2 hour drive from my house and it wouldn’t be a possibility for me to work there. The pay is great and the facility is incredible. I think I would be perfect for the job and vice versa. I have a pretty good shot at getting the job. The interview isn’t until next Wed. Which is FOREVER from now. But the whole timetable will actually work out pretty good if I get the job.
3. I’m gonna restart my loan refinance process with my awesome loan officer who did my original loan and my refinance 2 years ago. I should have just done it with her in the first place. Good thing is, she has better terms than the other idiot I was dealing with. In the same company. So it should all be taken care of in 4-6 weeks most likely. Which means: free month with no mortgage payment! (probably Oct or Nov) Which means: I will be able to catch up from these last 2 weeks of no pay.
4. It’s beautiful outside this week so I’ve had lots of laying around in the hammock, reading, resting going on.
5. I’m finally caught up on my sleep!
6. I have time to chat with my friends regularly. Yay!
7. I may be getting a roommate soon. Hopefully that will mean some extra money, maybe some yardwork or other tasks getting done, and if I get the job up north, someone to watch the pets & house while I’m working.
8. I went to the Social Security building today to get a new SS card. I only had to wait 30 minutes! Bonus since I was planning on like 3 hours.

Ok, well I’m exhausted by all that. Gonna go pick some blackberries, make chicken noodle soup, watch Psych & Monk, and take care of the kitties. Talk more later!



New work news, I’ll just post my conversation with my friend M here:

Lissa says:


 So guess what?
M says:
your boss apologized
Lissa says:
he fired me
M says:
you handed in your resignation
that’s not possible
Lissa says: 
i know, redundant huh?
remember that “if you do not wish for me to do two weeks notice, you may choose to terminate my employment.” ?
apparently he decided to take me up on that 
M says:
but why?
Lissa says: 
I dunno 
like usually….he didn’t clarify 
M  says:
he just randomly walked up to you…?
Lissa says:
Was about 3/4 through the shift and he said he wanted to talk to me.
I’m all, “hmm does he want to ask me something, apologize, argue about something in the letter?”
no, he said that he thought it was “best if we part ways now” 
but that “he sincerely wished me the best in the future”
right. the best. that’s why you’re shorting me a week’s work and pay
M says:
that’s so bizarre…
what did you say?
Lissa says:

Yeah, that pretty much sums up MY day.


The next path

August 14, 2009

Well, I put in my two weeks today. Probably doesn’t come as a huge surprise after my last post. Things have just continued from there. I had a great many concerns and reservations, but me and the boss had seemed to be getting along ok at least. And then BOOM! Last night (my day off) I checked my email (which I don’t always do on my days off) and there was an email with a very innocuous subject line from my boss. “Hmm, must have some minor random question” I thought, which was usually what he emails me regarding. I mean, if it’s important enough that it needs to be brought to my attention on my day off, you’d think a call would be in order! No, no random question as it turned out. Apparently there was SOME issue at work (it was never divulged exactly what in the email) and the boss was going off on me. Ranting, raving, insults and accusations regarding my integrity, my thoughts, my motivations, my actions, my words. A lot of just really REALLY harsh, offbase, false, and cruel things. And basically just ended it by inviting me to quit more or less. To top it off, I happened to be reading this email at 10pm ON MY DAY OFF while I was chatting online with a friend who I hadn’t gotten to speak with in over a week. To say that I was angry was an understatement of the century. I was hand-shaking infuriated and hurt and resentful and shocked. It was the most incredibly unprofessional thing I have ever had done to me and I am someone who prides herself on being in control and professional and A GROWN-UP. Screaming at an employee about some situation (again, I still don’t know what it was) in an EMAIL sent on her DAY OFF is soooooooooo not cool. Not ethically or professionally right and just reiterates my opinions on this man as a manager, supervisor, and businessman.

After chatting about it with my poor unsuspecting friend, and then calling another friend who is in the same field as I and can therefore really understand my concerns and the situations at play, I wrote my boss a 3 page letter addressing his email, his accusations and insinuations, and some things about HIM that I felt it important that he be told. Obviously, I ended the letter with my resignation. I worked pretty hard on the letter, tried to make it professional and not mean-spirited or petty. I tried to leave out many of the smaller issues I have had and some of the medical decision things (there have been a LOT) and to instead focus more on the larger issues and the ones that he brought up in the email to me. I tried to be concise and to the point and to MAKE the points I wanted to. I read it over like 4 times last night. Got almost no sleep. And then reread it over a couple more times this morning. And I felt good about what I had said and how I said it.

Went to work this morning just like normal. Put the letter in an envelope on his desk. Spoke to both the receptionist and the other technician when they arrived at work (before the vet got there) to warn them that I was putting in notice today and that I had written a letter that the vet might very well get quite upset about. They were both sad that I was leaving, but I think they’ve been seeing the writing on the wall. After all, I’m just not a follower. I don’t put up with bullshit, I call it out. And I certainly don’t put up and shut up if I think things can or should be done differently. What can I say? I’m a rebel. Hah!

I was sick to my stomach all morning, dreading the potential outlash once the vet read my letter. I was seriously expecting ranting, outrage, yelling, all sorts of unpleasantness, even being told to leave RIGHT THEN.  I wanted to run away when he went into the office and I KNEW that he had to be reading the letter. He came out and calmly pulled me aside “to talk”. Deep breath as I followed him into one of the waiting rooms.

But all he said was that he agreed with my decision and was glad that I had made it. That he had been hoping that I wouldn’t want to “keep fighting this out” and that I would just quit. Pussy passive-aggressive asshole. God forbid he have the balls and management ability to fire me if he was so unhappy with me. I had to be the bigger, more professional person in the scenario and do the dirty work for him.

Ok, so I’m totally pissed off but kinda at peace too. It was turning into this very stressful, toxic environment where I felt like my ethics and my standards and my ideals had to be compromised every day. And that isn’t how I like to perform my job. I think my ethics, standards, and ideals are important to doing my job properly and with excellence. So I will leave his mediocre, egotistical, arrogant, and hypocritical practice philosophy and level of medicine to him. I have more opportunities and places to go where the highest standards are celebrated and embraced, not thought of as ways to price gouge owners and act better than others or any of those things.

The sad thing is, that so many of my character traits which he found so terrible and threatening are the same ones that I relish in myself and in the way I do my job. Things that I enjoy and cherish in the type of atmosphere I want to work within. He has the weirdest things that he has complexes and mental blocks about, and the ironic thing is that these complexes of his are what will cause his business to fail sooner or later.

Now I go back to fulltime relief. Or  more likely some regular part-time/relief work. I am not going to rush into finding another fulltime job because they are in general hard to come by, and ones in the types of places that I would like even more so. So I will take my time and wait and watch. In the meantime, I have some good leads on relief/part-time work to tide me through. There are fallbacks…a more random schedule, some level of commuting, etc. But feeling fulfilled in my day’s work, not fighting management, not having to run to work in the evening or middle of the night to care for random hospitalized patients, and getting a higher pay rate are all plusses!

We’ll just see what happens! I am sad that this job didn’t work out as I had great plans for it, but I cannot accept what it has become. So I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Working thoughts

August 4, 2009

Just a bunch of random things here today…..

~Bad day at work today. Not really an awful kind, just one that leaves a bad taste in the mouth. The actual work part went fine but then a client went nutso about a bill (granted….the doc didn’t give an estimate and it ended up being a pretty significant bill. Our uh-oh, but the client didn’t ASK for an estimate either….) and the doc and client yelled at each other on the phone for 20 minutes. Then he came in and picked up his pet and didn’t pay a dime of the now-discounted bill. (my thoughts: why discount? asshole client just getting his way by being an asshole. So glad we are training our clients to take advantage of us. Again.)

~My doc is making me craaazy. He says he doesn’t want the clinic to be “all about money” But then he is freaking out on me every other day about not spending money, we aren’t making enough money. And then every other client he is discounting their bill and/or letting them not pay the full balance. WHHYYYYY!??!?!?!??  So self-defeating.

~To make our day more complicated, we have a extremely critical patient that is dying. It was this huge, very advanced surgery that we did last week and has gone to hell. The dog is dying, will probably pass before the end of the night, and is in horrible pain despite loads of pain meds. He is in multi-system organ failure, not making urine, we are loading him with liters of fluids and fluid overloading him, and it’s just horrible. I think the owners know it is bad but the doc “isn’t gonna to give up on him” for some reason and so despite the fact that THERE IS NO WAY TO SAVE THIS DOG AND HE IS IN AGONY, the doc isn’t really relaying that info to the owners appropriately and therefore they are not being given the chance to make an educated decision for their dog. As in, to peacefully let it go and be out of its misery while they are there with him. No, he’s going to continue in misery and pain while his organ systems finally shut down slowly overnight and he is alone in a cage and his owners are at home and not really aware of how dire the situation is. And I know the doc just doesn’t want to give up on this dog, he slaved over the surgery and it’s heartbreaking to see it all fall apart, but OMG it is horrific to watch what this dog is going through and knowing that it is an absolute lost cause. I didn’t know what to do or how to talk to the doc about it (not in a very receptive mood, see above) and so I just did what I was told, sent lots of very sad, grim looks towards the owners, asked them a couple times if they had questions (in case they did and I could communicate subtly how VERY VERY BAD this is–but they didn’t have questions), and went home leaving the doc to stay at the clinic all night on death watch. Because at this point, we’ve loaded the dog to kingdom come on pain meds (hopefully he’ll just pass out until he passes) and it’s only a matter of hours. I know this. I always know. I can tell.

~Ok well I didn’t actually mean to say anything about all that cause I’m really just trying to forget about it. I am off for the next two days and it will all be over by the time I go back. And it doesn’t do any good to dwell on it. But I guess I needed to say something. To someone. The only person in my real life that would understand all the medical gobbly-gook and the sad sad wrongness of not letting the owners know the seriousness and make their own educated decision would just be infuriated about the doc’s choice here and that would just fire my own anger which I am trying to not let take me over.  *sigh* Ok.

~I was really hoping my online friend M would be online tonight but she’s not here. I guess her gf is still in town. I was hoping to chat with her and distract myself from my crappy day. I should text my friend R.

~I had a good day yesterday!! My friend Ashley had a 1st birthday party for her son and it was so fun. They actually had a big group of people there and Ash went all out with decorating for the Luau theme. I was sad that I had to leave after only a couple of hours to get to my relief job. But it was nice to go up, have a couple mimosas, eat some BBQ, see the baby and his parents.

~Speaking of…..I worked a relief shift at my old old clinic last night. It’s still a little trippy being there but I worked with a bunch of people that were my old co-workers. It’s freaky how fast I fall back into the old patterns and habits and dealing with those people I knew so well and haven’t dealt with in 3 years. But we were busy and I was in charge of triage (fun!) and lab. It involves a lot of multitasking and prioritizing and juggling and not so much dealing with the patients themselves. So it was a fun change of pace and I ROCKED IT!! Got  all the patients triaged and vital-signed and in and out of rooms like no other. And then got all the labwork busted out in a timely and concise manner. AND filled prescriptions in between. The awesome thing, after all the various stresses of getting this new clinic started at my “real” job over the last couple months and not getting so much positive encouragement. (Ok, that sounds awful. My doc is actually quite supportive and appreciative but we’re ALL really stressed out with this whole new-clinic things….it is fine and will only get better) Anyways, the really awesome thing is that at the end of the night, one of the docs at my old ER gave me a “way to go” and high five! 😀  And one of the other techs (who is kinda a negative person) complimented me on getting the labwork all busted out. It was a good end of the night and a nice break from my day to day stuff. I think this whole taking relief shifts at this place may actually work out really well for me. Plus, they always have lots of extra shifts available, it’s closer than any of my other relief clinics, and they pay better. So yay!

Ok, well I’m gonna go watch my shows now and think about what to eat for dinner. I’ll talk more later!