Moving forward

July 28, 2009

I think the expression “get over it”, or any of the many variations thereof is one of the most obnoxious phrases that anyone can utter to another person. We say it far too often, far too easily while shrugging off the effort of truly listening to one another and showing compassion and empathy.

There are many things in life that others grow sick of hearing us talk about….our personal experiences and tragedies large and small. These told and retold stories on our part eventually incite people to tell us to get over it already, move on, deal with it.

Tragedies big and small, each one as unique as the individual who is experiencing them. A death, a breakup, a fight, a job loss, a ruined favorite shirt, a broken car. Who knows what these things mean and entail to the one closest? And these days, how often do we take the time to hear someone who is dealing with them? We are quick to shrug off another’s unhappiness or sadness. We so easily forget what it is like to deal with a personal tragedy, despite the fact that we have all been there in some way ourselves.

Everyone who has loved before has experienced the one who got away. The one who slipped past them for whatever reason. The one that looking back, with years of experience and newfound wisdom behind them, they KNOW could have been more, and MIGHT have been everything. I know that paralysis that comes when you realize exactly what you have lost. I know the darkness that surrounds you when you don’t know how to stop the mind from racing and circling. I know the way the words repeat over and over in your head and you are driven to talk it out again and again with whoever will listen. I have experienced great patience and compassion from friends in relation to this difficulty. And I have experienced those who just say “Get OVER It Already!”

You don’t get Over this relationship. Eventually the paralysis eases and you are able to move again. Sometimes sideways, sometimes back, but mostly forward. You learn how to move on. You take chances, you keep looking for a new love. Your mind slowly stops circling and focuses on the life at hand. The sad thoughts, could have beens, regrets fade and shrink and are relegated to a wistful sector of the mind.  But you never get over it.

It has been many years since I lost that first most innocent and pure love. I will never get over it. But I will live my life, enjoy it, and still take occasional comfort in pulling out the old memories with my old friends. The ones who have always listened and been tolerant of my inability to “just get over it”. The ones who smile, just as I do, when that name is brought up. And let me vent and reminisce and just simply talk when I need to. About whatever I need to. For however long I need to.

I hope I will be able to be that patient friend to those who have been so true to me. I pray that I will never tell them to “Get Over It”



One Response to “Moving forward”

  1. Kandi Ann Says:

    Awesomely said!

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