It’s been a month? Really?!

Ok, so I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post. I tend to start things and not follow through on them so I’m really trying to keep blogging. I know that chances are nobody is reading this (though I did give a few friends the URL), but I think it would be nice to look back at someday. You know, when life is super-awesome.

Not that it’s all bad now. It’s just….life. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Somedays things work out well, sometimes things don’t work out well at all. Sometimes I’m feeling positive despite all the crappiness, sometimes I’m feeling negative even when things are going ok. Life, ya know?

Well that perfect job? Before the interview even came about the job had changed from 3 days/wk ER overnights to 4 days/wk internal medicine day shifts….which took it out of the realm of possibility or interest for me. I still went to the interview, get my foot in the door and all that. It went well and I am going to have a semi-permanent regular relief shift there as well as do other occasional relief shifts. So I have Saturday overnights lined up there starting in October. I hope that I like it as much as I think I will!

I also have a regular weekly relief shift at Clinic B, Thursdays. And while I don’t have a regular weekly shifts at Clinic A, I do have Sunday nights scheduled for October & probably November. And I have a couple of shifts at the end of October scheduled at my old work. So at the same time of the month as August, I have 15 shifts lined up for October already! (Versus 7 at this time in August for Sept.) And I imagine that will fill out considerably as we get closer and into October. As a point of reference……at this point last month I had only 7 shifts lined up……I’ve ended up working 20 this month!!! It’s been crazy, I worked 16 shifts in the first 17 days of the month. The bonus is that just with work this month I’ve made up for losing out on two weeks of work at the end of August.  My new goal is to work as much as I can (reasonably—-no double shifts or back-to-back insanity….I did that this month!) until Thanksgiving. I’m taking a week off for Thanksgiving to fly home and spend it with my family. And then I’m gonna work as much as I can the first 2 weeks of December and plan on taking the last 2 weeks of December off. I want to spend Christmas with my friend Ashley and her family, and I’m thinking about flying to New York City to spend New Year’s with my friend Craig. I’ve been wanting to visit him for years since he’s moved there and have never had the money or chance. But I have lots of working to get done to be able to afford to take all that time off and a trip to NYC!  I think I can do it, after all I have 2-3 regular weekly shifts plus a total of 5! clinics that I do relief for. I’ve had to turn down like 4-6 shifts this month due to scheduling conflicts so basically I can work as much as I want to. At least that’s my hope!  While I have regular days scheduled for October, I have at least 2 or 3 places to hear from about other relief shifts so it’ll probably fill in quite a bit. Yay! It’s nice to not have to worry about money at least.

Oh yeah! News since last posting. Shawn finally came and picked up his fishtanks and dead car and all his other belongings. It was like pulling teeth to get him out there, even on the day that he had assigned to himself. Typical Shawn. I had thought how happy I would be when it was all gone, but that night after he left and I looked at the empty house I was just sad. It was like, ‘finally! my house is mine again!’ But also, ‘this wasn’t how it was all supposed to go’ It’s easy to look back sometimes and wax nostalgic about how good things were. And then I remember how really really not it was so much of the time. The drug peddling, the laziness, the obstinate behavior, the Valentine’s Day where he didn’t come home, the yelling and picking over nothing, the many many tears. The next day, I was just simply happy to have my life back again, to start again. Right now it’s hard because when I go into stores they have all the Halloween stuff out. And Halloween last year was the point in our relationship where everything was really really good. He was just moving in, I was starting to spend time with the kids, the holiday season and plans and activities, and it was all so new and hopeful and promising. It wasn’t until about New Year’s that everything went to hell. So this holiday season is going to be hard. Everytime I walk in a store there will be reminders EVERYWHERE of last year and how happy I was then. Not that I am exactly UNhappy now, just not happy like the promise of it last year.

Because really, what am I supposed to do with those Christmas portraits that we took last year? That’s not my family, those aren’t my kids, no matter how much I wanted it. I can’t ever put those into a photo album, but I can’t throw them away either. It’s all just really sad.

Anyways I’m excited to go to the Puyallup Fair with friends next Sunday, it’s the last “summer” activity. So sad that summer is over!! This has been a good summer all in all. I got a tan, spent lots of time outside and in the sun and reading in my hammock, caught up on sleep, spent plenty of time hanging out and talking with friends, and just enjoyed time to myself. Hopefully I’ll have a good and busy fall/winter between work and time off to enjoy holidays. Chances are I’ll have  fulltime ER job by next holiday season and then all bets are off! Definitely not gonna be able to take chunks of time off so I’d better enjoy it while I have the opportunity.

Ok well this has been inane and rambling. If you are reading this, friends, well you know that this is typical Lissa. I’m gonna go and try to be a little more structured and sensible in my next post. Which will hopefully be a recap of the Fair and not another monthly update! Wish me luck!

~Lissa

The post-weekend update

Well, we had a lovely weekend. All went as planned, which is nice for once! The only downside is the the stupid truck still isn’t fixed! I am starting to lose it over this truck. I am starting to get grumpy and pissy and snappy at Shawn….so he had better just get it fixed already!

The weekend was great. Saturday I got to sleep in…so nice! We only had Morrigan because Wesley decided not to come. Apparently our house without video games is not nearly fun enough (bear in mind that he is all of FIVE years old and cannot live without his video games–sad.) and that he would rather not be there. Shawn was a little bummed that Wesley didn’t want to spend time with him but he didn’t want to force the issue. It was kind of a nice treat to have just the baby though. And I expect that next time, Wesley will want to come because he’ll have felt left out this weekend. Which is good!

Shawn brought Morrigan home….by the time he got off and picked her up and got back, it was almost 11pm! She was wiped, so right to bed. I had dinner ready so we just ate and watched a movie. Very nice “just us” time.   Sunday we all just hung out at the house, played with the baby, vegged on the couch. It was so relaxing to not have anything to DO.

And Monday, the big test. Shawn had to work 11a-7p so I was to have the baby ALL DAY. By MYSELF.  Doo..doo..doo..doo. It went SO WELL!!!  We had to take Shawn to work since the truck wasn’t fixed. So we all got up in the morning and drove him in. Then Morrigan and I stopped at the Dollar store to pick up some things (namely bibs and baby spoons) which went pretty well. First solo baby & store trip. Back home about 12:00p and Morrigan went down for her nap. I got the house picked up and watched an episode of ER. Then it was 1pm and she got up, we had lunch (ala spaghettios, jello, and hot dog) and played until about 3:30pm. Then it was down for her 2nd nap. I got a shower, scooped kitty boxes, did dishes, etc. Then at 5:30pm, up from the nap, we had supper (ala fishsticks, spaghettios, and banana) and then got cleaned up/changed to go back to pick up Shawn. Left at 6:30pm and dropped Morrigan off at her mom’s at 8pm. It was a good day and she was so happy and smiley the whole time. Only a couple bits of squawking and those were quickly squelched. It was really nice! I’m excited that I do seem to have ”some” mothering skills!

Had another nice evening with Shawn and Tuesday he didn’t work until 4pm. I ran a bunch of errands in town until he got off work and then we had one more night together. The rest of this week we’ve both been working and he’s been staying with various people in town. He had yesterday off but didn’t get into town til the afternoon and hasn’t yet figured out what is wrong with the truck. Today he doesn’t work until 1:30p so the “plan” is to tow the truck to a shop and have it diagnosed and find out what the heck is going on and how to fix it and can he do it and how much is this going to cost now. So hopefully he will follow through with that plan so we can make some progress and get him BACK HOME. I have to get up after 4 hours sleep tomorrow and be at Petco to sit for adoptions for 4 hours before going to work tomorrow evening so that is going to suck. Sunday is my only day off, luckily Shawn has it off too so we can spend it together. *sigh* I just hope the truck is fixed by then and I don’t have to stress about it any more. I am seriously starting to lose all patience and sanity over this thing.

But the family stuff is going well and I am definitely lightened and encouraged by that. Next weekend is December 6-8th so I’m looking forward to it! We should have both of them that weekend.

~Lissa

Yay! It’s the weekend!

Ok, just a quick post before my shift ends at work. I am so excited! It is finally the weekend! After this last stressful week (see the last post) I am ready to have a nice relaxing family weekend. I’m picking up Shawn in about an hour and taking him home with me. He has to work today so I will get plenty of time to sleep in and relax before he gets home late with the kids in tow. They’ll go straight to bed and we’ll have a lovely dinner. Then Sunday is family day at home to just relax and enjoy each other’s company….nice! Monday Shawn is working so I’ll have Morrigan +/- Wesley on my own for the first time….ALL DAY! So that should definitely be interesting, hopefully we’ll have a good day! And Tuesday I don’t know what shift Shawn is working, but I’m going to sleep in, run errands, and relax. Yay! I can hardly wait. I’ll let you know next week how it all went.

~Lissa

Vehicular woes & the exiled Shawn

Soo…..Shawn’s truck has died. Maybe not a permanent death, but it is seriously out of commission for some….unknown…..reason. As of last Friday everything was going great. We had gotten through 3 weekends in a row of having the kids–an experience for sure! I was finally feeling well again. (I had my first cold sore, then a bladder infection, then some “female” infection from the antibiotics for the bladder infection, then a day of nasty nausea, then a cold…..and of course all the exhaustion that goes along with keeping up my normal schedule with all that illness!) The truck was running. Big plans! Yay! We were finally getting to settle into a routine. Shawn got paid and planned for us to have a nice dinner date. So Friday we had a lovely dinner at a local brewery before I went off to work. And at 3am on Saturday morning I get a phone call from him letting me know that he is at his brother’s house and the truck won’t start. And thus begins my lousy week.

The truck won’t work. Shawn had already done a million little things to it. Now since Friday he has replaced the alternator, the starter, the spark plugs and wires….and some other little stuff that I don’t know about. And still the truck won’t start. He has a few ideas, it seems like everyone he talks to has a different idea of what it could be. Maybe the ignition module, maybe the fuel filter, maybe the fuel pump, maybe some wire/hose/bolt/screw/line…..so frustrating!

What makes it worse is that he doesn’t have the money to fix it. Any of it. He was so happy this Friday that he had figured out his budget and paid all his bills and had money set aside for gas and had structured both his payday loans into payment plans and was able to take me out to dinner. And that was ALL the money he had. But it would have been fine. Except the truck won’t start. And it needs money to fix it. So I have been paying for the parts. Which I don’t really mind, because I want it fixed. It’s just that this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. I’m not supposed to be $300 in the hole on this stupid truck. He’s not supposed to be owing me that money. This was supposed to be a good thing, this stupid truck. It was supposed to be easily made to run and all happy and stuff. Not this evil moneypit thing which I am throwing money at and now I’m loaning him money and he is owing me money and that just never makes for a comfortable situation for anyone involved. I’m not worried about it, I know he’ll pay me back and I’m not in a dire situation right now and of course he would do the same for me, but it just doesn’t sit well. Not for him, not for me. I just want the stupid thing to work. And I’m worried about the fact that WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE STUPID TRUCK. Or how much fixing it is going to cost. And if Shawn can even fix it himself. Or how long all this is going to take.

And did I tell you? Until he fixes the truck, Shawn is effectively exiled from living with me. This is NOT my idea! I want him THERE. But I live Far Away from Town. And he works in Town. And our shifts overlap. So if he doesn’t have something to drive (see abovementioned STUPID TRUCK) then he is not able to get back and forth from the house. And thus he must stay in town and some assorted friend/family members house. And not with me. At OUR house. That he has moved into. And all his stuff is piled about in. And he is not there when I get home. I do not like this. At least this weekend when I have my days off I can cart him home with me. But hopefully by then it will all be a moot point. He has Friday off so his plan is GET THE STUPID TRUCK RUNNING. Or my stress level will be seriously out of control.

I’m not mad at anyone. Except the truck. It’s not his fault the truck is stupid and has been sitting in my yard neglected and rotting for 3 years. It’s not his fault that the truck stopped running the moment he had been paid and then spent his paycheck….not getting paid again for another whole 2 weeks and therefore not having a single dollar to spend on fixing said truck. It’s not his fault he is not at the house everyday. I just don’t like any of this. I have been waiting 3 weeks now since his official “move in” date to feel like he is moved in and just as it was starting to happen, all of this. I am just eager to get started on the “normal” portion of being with him.

Plus we’re supposed to be getting the kids on Sunday/Monday. Which will work much better if he has the truck fixed by then.

Really, I just miss him. I want him back home with me. I want this un-fun part to be done. I love him.

That’s all.

~Lissa

The surprise weekend

Well, Shawn has “moved” in. We still need to get his things from his ex’s and his friend’s houses and see if there is anything he has in storage that he wants at the house. But technically he has moved in as of yesterday, Friday October 24, 2008. Which coincidently was our 2-month anniversary. (I know, it seems crazy-fast but I think when you know it’s right, you just KNOW.) I didn’t get to really enjoy the moving in day as I worked the night before, picked him up in the morning, and promptly went to bed while he ran errands in town. Then when he got back home, I got up and got ready for work and left. So, it doesn’t quite feel real yet. Luckily I have the next 3 days off so I’ll be able to enjoy having him settle in!

We hadn’t really planned our weekend out too much, just figured I’d sleep on Saturday and get up in the evening. Then Sunday I have a seminar in town all day to attend. So we were just going to go with the flow. But last night he got a call from his ex, Crystal. She asked if we could take Wesley & Morrigan this weekend as she has to work all weekend and her babysitter quit. Of course, we are happy to have them!! I know it will make the weekend a bit hectic, but I am so glad that Shawn is getting to spend so much time with the kids. It means so much to him and I love the feeling of family that surrounds us. Shawn has spent the last several months since his breakup with Crystal in unstable living arrangements and without a vehicle so that has made it difficult to spend any consistent or significant time with the kids, which I know has been really hard on him. I’m so happy that being with me is helping him in some ways to re-establish a close relationship with them. And I’m excited to further my relationship with them too! Plus I just bought a ton of stuff for them last week and I can’t wait to see their reaction, especially Wesley! Hopefully he’ll love some of the stuff.

So this weekend will be very busy but I’m glad that we’ll have the kids once again. I’m so glad that Crystal isn’t going to be defensive about Shawn being with me/the kids being around me or any of that. I hope that we’ll get to spend plenty of time with them as we are certainly happy to have them anytime that we are available and she needs to work. I know that she is pretty stretched financially so not having to pay a babysitter all the time should be helpful to her. We had already planned to have them Fri/Sat/Sun next weekend for Halloween so this will be 3 weekends in a row!! I’m so psyched about it all, I hope that I make a for a good figure in their lives. They are such good kids.

Ok that’s it for now, I’ll probably post after the weekend and let you know what all we got up to. I know we have more pumpkins to carve!

~Lissa

Adding a family, starting a blog

Hi there everyone! (or no one yet but maybe you’ll come back and read this later) I have been lurking around reading various blogs for some time but frankly my life has been pretty dull until late and thus I had held off on starting my own. At this point I am adding a family to my household and I expect things will become quite exciting from here on out!

Let me start things off for you. My name is Lissa. I am a 26 year old woman who has been enjoying/enduring single life for quite some time. I live in the Pacific Northwest and work in the veterinary field in a career I love. I have my own home and have 3 cats and 2 dogs to call my kids. And recently I began dating an amazing man who I am pretty sure is turning out to be the love of my life.

Shawn (see above amazing man) is 25, he is truly a gift to me. He has no idea all of the great things he has brought into my life and how much I cherish him. The best part is that he seems to feel the same way about ME! Shawn has a daughter who is 5 that he doesn’t see (the mother’s doing) and he has a son who is 4 and another daughter who is 15months (a different mother) that he does spend time with, though not as much as he would like. I just spent my first weekend with his younger kids, Wesley and Morrigan. They are great kids, fun and wellbehaved and he is an awesome Dad. What amazed me most was how good I felt with everything going on this weekend. It was great to just lay in bed at night and feel that feeling of FAMILY.

Shawn is moving in this weekend. He has a list of household projects that he wants to do and I have a list of things that I am planning for him and the kids. I spent the day yesterday shopping at Goodwill and getting movies/books/toys/etc. for them. He couldn’t believe everything I bought and was tearing up he was so touched. But it’s like I told him….I LOVE him, they are his, thus they are part of loving him. And I am so excited for the whole adventure of loving him…with everything he brings to the table.

More later!!

~Lissa